In Which I Prove My Dorkiness...

I am really a first-class dork. Today I have a couple of prime examples to add to my litany of dorkdom.

Example #1

We have a vacuum cleaner that we bought from Sears at least a dozen years ago...perhaps even longer. It has started to have some issues - the biggest one being the hole that formed in the hose near where it connects to the wand part. I've still been using it because the hole is located in a place where I can mostly hold it closed and it worked well enough to get at least the big crumbs up off the carpet. There was also an issue with the power cord which would randomly flake out and shut off power to the vacuum until I went back and wiggled it until the wires magically reconnected and I could resume vacuuming. It was getting a bit annoying. So, it was time for a new vacuum. I loathe the thought of spending money on a vacuum but I must say that the dork side of me was a bit excited about actually owning a shiny, new model. See? I told ya!

Yesterday I dragged all three girls down to the mall (I promised them lunch at Wendy's to make the deal a little sweeter for them) to buy a new vacuum. Rick and I had done some online research and found that Sears had a decent model that was a recommended "best buy." It was essentially their newest version of the vacuum we currently have. We looked into all those fancy purple and bright yellow models that everyone raves about but decided that we didn't want to have to mortgage the house to buy a vacuum. We wanted to spend a reasonable amount for a vacuum cleaner that does a reasonable job at picking up the grit and dust - I really don't need one that can lift a sixteen-pound bowling ball. I mean really - how often do you need to deal with that scenario while going about your vacuuming chores? So, off to Sears we went. While browsing the vacuum aisle I found the model I was looking for and the price was the same as the online price - good thing otherwise the sales guy might've gotten an even harder time than he was already about the get. There was a model that cost $50 more and the differences between the models were pretty minimal...or at least the more expensive model had features that Rick and I decided were ones that were not worth spending the extra dough. I checked out the more expensive model just to be sure that "in person" those features were still not a big deal. As I was looking things over the sales guy appeared and asked if I needed help. I won't go into the ridiculous details but suffice it to say that he tried to sell me on the more expensive model and I kept shooting him down at every turn. I think he was annoyed with me because I kept getting that nervous-annoyed chuckle out of him when I said things like "I've been vacuuming since you were in diapers" (ok, so not in so many words, but he was a young kid and I was not going to fall for his sales pitch and let him know that in no uncertain terms). He kept extolling the virtues of the "regular" length hose and telescoping wand - because, as he put it, the model I wanted had a sub-standard length hose that I would probably not be happy with. Turns out the hose on the model I wanted (and bought after telling off the sales guy more than once - I am Vacuum-Queen, hear my dull roar with sounds of grit being sucked from the floor) has a hose that is about 6 inches longer than my current vacuum! So, I'm more than satisfied with this "sub-standard" hose length on the model I bought. Gotta love giving salesmen a hard time when you've done your research and know what you want and won't let them work their pitch on you. It was actually kind of fun giving him such a hard time.

I came home with my new vacuum, unpacked it from it box, admired it's unscuffed, bright and shiny exterior and then got to work vacuuming more than half the house. It was a little difficult to get used to at first because it's lighter than my old model but once I got the feel for it I was quite happy with the results. Oh, and it's a lot quieter than my old model so that I can actually hear the blood-curdling screams coming from the playroom while I am vacuuming. Hmmmm.... maybe that's not such a good feature...

I'm so excited to have a new vacuum. And I'm such a dork.


Example #2

I received a coupon in the mail for a children's clothing store that I go to anytime I go to the "big mall" where Sears is located. So, I grabbed said coupon on my way out the door yesterday and planned to look for some spring clothes for the girls. The coupon was 20% off your entire order and the regular prices at this particular establishment are usually reasonable to begin with so I figured I could get some great deals! I got in the car and threw the coupon on the front seat - bad idea - I should have put it directly in my purse so it would not be left behind. Dork that I am, I of course left it sitting on the seat when we went into the mall. After we dealt, not so kindly, with the vacuum salesman, we headed off to The Children's Place to use that handy-dandy coupon. You know. The one still sitting IN THE CAR! But, it didn't even dawn on me until we were looking around at clothing and I was so annoyed with myself. I checked with the sales lady to see if she would honor the coupon (which they did, ever so nicely, the last time I was there) and she said that she absolutely needed the code on the back. Bitch. So, I dragged the girls back to Sears and we picked up the vacuum at the merchandise pick-up area. I had them wait with the delivery guy while I ran the vacuum out to the car and retrieved the coupon from the front seat. Then we went all the way back to The Children's Place where I had them try on some ADORABLE dresses that I decided to get them for Easter (R wanted the blue one, A wanted the brown one, and E got the pink one...so cute!). I laid the dresses out on the counter and put the coupon next to them. The woman took one look at the coupon and said "I'm sorry, this is Children's Place" to which I gave her a confused look as if to say "duh, lady, I know where I am" and she held up the GYMBOREE coupon that I had retrieved from the car. Yep. I was in the wrong freakin' store for the damn 20% off your entire purchase coupon. I AM SUCH A DORK! In my defense the glossy flyers that both stores send out look very similar and we don't even have a Gymboree in our mall anymore so why the heck should I be expecting to get Gymboree coupons in the mail? But, really, I'm just a dork who can't bother to read the name of the store on the stupid coupon. Argh. So, the Easter outfits were going to cost me much more than I bargained for. As I stood there I noticed the 10% off sign that is commonplace in such establishments if you sign your life away and agree to receive even more junk mail in your mailbox and your email inbox. I fell for it. I figured that my purchases today would make "signing on the dotted line" worth it this time and I could always get rid of the card in a few months if I found it to be annoying or useless. Lo and behold, the 'bitch' does a 180 and decides to give me their current 15% off promotion - without my needing any kind of code or physical coupon in hand. Gee, maybe she's not such a bitch after all. Now I like her. Funny how that works. I was suddenly much nicer to her than I was to the sales dork in Sears who wanted me to spend even MORE money on some dumb vacuum "features." I even congratulated her on her upcoming wedding - the one she mentioned to someone else in the store a few minutes earlier. After all, she finds out I'm completely dork-o-rific and she still wants to be my friend and give me an extra 15%!

So even though I'm a complete dork, I still managed to get the dresses as a great price and the girls are going to look so cute on Easter in their matchy-matchy dresses, cute shrug sweaters and fancy white shoes. You know - so they can go tearing off across the (hopefully not wet and muddy) town green in the mad dash that is our church's annual Easter egg "hunt"! Pray for some nice DRY weather in the week leading up to Easter this year....and for a warm, sunny day so that they don't freeze in their springy Easter togs.

Sincerely,
Queen Jeanne
Monarch of Dorkdom