Tuesday Ten

My Top 10 reasons I know I am done having children...

10. I told Rick to go ahead with his "procedure" and happily drove him to his urology appointment.

9. I am so sleep deprived right now that my blood runs cold at the thought of postponing even further the day when all my children sleep through the night.

8. I am donating/consigning/giving away outgrown baby clothes and baby equipment without a second thought or backward glance and with a huge grin on my face. And I've got a huge bag of maternity clothes that I can't wait to clear out of my house!

7. I am making certain that there are no "oops" events by taking the dreaded hormones while we wait for Rick to get the 6-month post-procedure "all clear" from the urologist. I'm feeling the need to cover all possible bases.

6. We don't have space for another twin bed in the house! The older two share a decent-sized room nicely but the room that is E's nursery is much too small to share.

5. I'm already thinking ahead to the teenaged years and while the thought of three girls in the house is unnerving, the thought of four is truly nightmarish - and the thought of having a boy who has to deal with three hormonally- charged older sisters seems too cruel for words.

4. I turned 36 yesterday - 35 was my own somewhat random, personal childbearing age cut-off. I'm starting to feel too old to start at the newborn stage again - and it is starkly underlined when I post to the iVillage board for moms of October 2005 babies and realize that I'm one of the oldest moms on there and a lot of the other moms were not even born when got my braces off and started high school. Kudos to those who feel able to survive pregnancy and the newborn stage when they are in their late 30's or early 40's - thou art heartier than I! I am so glad that I was able to start and finish my family before I hit my arbitrary age.

3. Most days I feel pretty thinly spread with three - a fourth (or more!) would send me right over the edge! And did you know that the older you get the higher your chances are of having twins? Egads.

2. I can actually see a newborn and think they are cute without that twinge of needing one more of my very own (probably because I am well-acquainted with the darker side under the cute exterior) AND I can walk by a pregnant woman and feel only joy (for her and the fact that it is NOT me) with a little pity and little "btdt, got the tent-shirt" mixed in but absolutely no envy and no wishing I could be part of the "club" again. Ahhh- what a relief!

and the number 1 reason?

1. Well, it may sound like a bit of a cliche, a bit too pat or too easy an answer, but I just feel Done - yes, with a capital D. I don't even want to think about being pregnant again (the thought makes me a little bit queasy like the beginnings of first-trimester morning sickness) and I don't daydream about another bundle in my arms (perhaps because my third is still a bundle - albiet a rather large bundle). I can remember when A was close to turn a year and I was all misty-eyed, emotional and nostalgic for the baby days that were swiftly coming to an end. It was because I thought of her as my "last" - the possibility of a third seemed so remote at the time, but at the same time I did not feel done. I didn't want to accept that the baby days might really be over for me. But, Rick and I were getting pretty darn close to 100% agreement that two kids were plenty. However, then fate handed us a not-so-little fluke the late summer of 2004 - an ectopic pregnancy while I had an IUD! I had received a wake-up call that told me for sure that I was not, in fact, done. And lucky for me, Rick had a change of heart and agree that we could try for one more. And now I am a mom of three amazing little girls and I no longer have those niggling doubts about the status of our family and whether I would regret not having another child.

My little family is complete - and they are all completely wonderful!