Ugh. I have been at this diet/exercise thing for over two weeks now. In some ways I know I am doing my body a favor. I know I've gained some strength and stamina. I have worked through most of the initial pain of getting back into doing the exercises with hand weights and for the most part I don't have significant pains that linger for days (with the exception of the inner thigh exercise I did on Monday which left me feeling the effects for three days - ok, so that sounded naughty but it really was just a bunch of boring exercises so get your mind right out of the gutter because I don't talk about that stuff on here). And I am certainly eating less crap. I am trying to eat healthier but I know I could eat more veggies and less starch - and portion control is always an issue.
But, I feel like I'm trying so hard and getting no where. In fact, I was in an annoying 'holding pattern' for the last two weeks. The scale wouldn't budge. This week I've been feeling like crap and skipped exercising for two days and now the scale budged...but in the wrong freakin' direction.
Oh, why do I bother?
I feel like I'm ready to throw in the towel and just eat what I want, when I want! Life is too short, man!
I think the cold snap we are experiencing is making things worse. I do not want to go out walking in that freezing cold. I should get on my treadmill today. That is if I can work up the motivation but it's not really looking too promising right now. I'm just pissed that my efforts have seemingly gotten me no where.
I have been telling myself that I needed to rebuild the muscle mass and that muscle weighs more than fat - so maybe I'm losing fat and it's not showing on the scale. But, seriously, how long can that be the case?
I know I need to look closer at my diet but I really like my food. I have given up a lot in the way of high-carb and/or high-fat snacks and I've tried to reduce my intake. Everywhere I read it says to lose weight I need to eat about 1500 calories. I can't say that I've done that well most days but I was just hoping the exercise would tip the balance in my favor. I am finding that magical 1500-calorie mark very difficult to achieve.
I feel like my body is my enemy. I feel like food is my enemy. I am afraid of eating the wrong things. I'm afraid of eating too much of the "right" things. Gah. This sucks.
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3 comments:
Jeanne. You kick ass. Your dedication to your own health impresses the hell out of me every time i read your blog.
And you know you just have to keep at it if that is how you choose to proceed.
But if you don't? If you attack a box of Oreos?
You're still perfect as you are. And I will totally kick the ass of anyone who says differently.
Big hugs - I remember the days of Weight Watchers and watching that damn scale sit still... I advise you to hide the scale until the funk passes and do what you have to do to get through.
Love you -
Thanks, K.
I held the course yesterday. I did get on my treadmill as much as I loathed the thought. I tried to eat in moderation (although, HAD we a box of Oreos in the house I can't say I would not have drowned my sorrows in them...good thing we didn't have anything like CHOCOLATE in the house anywhere....). And *somehow* I managed about 1400 calories for the day.
Go figure.
I appreciate the love and support. It means so much!
Hang in there, Jeanne! As if you hadn't said it to ME many times, or heard me say it to you, too... but ignore that darn scale when you're first trying to lose weight!! I know you ARE gaining in muscle and blah, blah, blah- you KNOW it all.
It doesn't make it any easier when you can't SEE the numbers changing though. Believe, me, I've been there. Many times. But just keep on going anyway. Do what you enjoy, do what you feel you need to do, and take breaks (skip a day) if you feel like you aren't up to it. You'll be fine! Just be consistent overall- and the results will come.
I go through my own battles ALL THE TIME... and those darn little voices (that seem to come from the Chips Ahoy bag) also call out to me. Sometimes I am strong, sometimes I'm not. But you know, I can truly devour some cookies with lots of impressive strength! Or I can walk away, wimpering... lol ;-)
You're doing GREAT because your determination is there, and we can all tell it's there. Just keep on going!
~TuxBaby
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